habitual

its so unreal to me.. the way everything just falls apart when im still
waiting for everything to start. everytime. its like i cant believe we are
still here in our yesterdays but tomorrow is a memory. there are no more
tomorrows, and im so tired of driving alone singing sorrows to myself.
every chord i hear brings the memories near. where did life begin to stray?
when did you realize it wasnt me? and i was what you needed. i know i wasnt
wrong, but i cant say that i was right, because life passes by through
secrets and i am captivated by your beautiful lies... you are such a
beautiful liar. and ill keep all the letters i never gave you because id be
so ashamed if you ever knew the truth. id ruin myself for you. ive ruined
myself for you.
your transparent lies kept me searching for more, but then i found comfort
in seeing through them. drunken dreams and drugged delusions fill my head.
im (over)analyzing every word you said... convictions so strong they
manipulated my heart. in my mind ive put together this theory of you and
its so perfectly flawed. everything i ever needed or wanted in you i saw.
now only convenient dreams and pure intentions. ill never forget the way i
start to shake when i look into your eyes. you could take my breath
everytime and id still be frozen, so afraid. here i am again broken... its
better that way. the cold winter wind burns my face. im so flustered, like
all the days when i tried so hard and you felt so true. i hate myself for
this perception of you.